This week I'll be mostly hating Marmite

Love it? Hate it?

Marmite. You either love it or hate it. I fall into the category of people who love it. If we're having toast or crumpets, I have to have at least one slice with marmite on it. Yes, I'm a Marmite lover.

So for Valentine's Day this year Sarah got me a jar of Marmite. Not any old jar of Marmite, but a special jar. Not only with "I love you" on the front, but a new special recipe: 'Limited Edition Marmite with a Touch of Champagne'.

Now, if you're a Marmite hater, then you have probably just barfed all over your computer screen. However, if you're a Marmite lover, then you have probably just said "erm, right, I'm not quite sure about that".

I had some on my Saturday morning breakfast slice of toast. And, well, it was, erm, totally underwhelming, I'm afraid to say.  Kind of like Marmite, but with a hint of champagne. Call me a heathen, but I like my yeast extract spread as it comes.

Champagne in my Marmite? Er no thanks.

This week I'll be mostly wearing purple

Ooh, suit you sir!

I was in a meeting this morning and it was pointed out to me that I - along with the colleague sitting next to me - was wearing a purple shirt and tie. Suspiciously, the last time I'd been in a meeting for that same project it had also been pointed out that I was wearing purple.

Nothing particularly odd about that, but once it had been pointed out I started seeing purple everywhere:

• Another colleague turned up late to the meeting, and he too was wearing a purple shirt.
• During the day I noticed at least two other purple shirt wearers.
• When I got home and checked my wardrobe, I had no less than three shirts vaguely in the spectrum of colours that one might consider purple, all of which I have worn or intend to wear this week.

But don't worry, it's not like I've got a drawer full of purple socks or anything. At least I don't think I have. Maybe I should check.

Now, if I team up with David Icke (purple tracksuit wearer extraordinaire) and embark on a key-note speech tour insisting that the royal family are in fact reptiles from the planet Draco - that's when you should start worrying.

This week I'll be mostly eating rhubarb crumble

Just say "cheese!" Or is that "rhuu-baaarb!"

I don't have time for this. (Astute readers will notice I didn't have time last week either.)

In fact, I don't have time to cook dinner tonight, what with one thing and another. I did just have time to chuck a ready-made rhubarb crumble in the oven (35mins on 150°C for fan-assisted ovens), and I managed to find a minute in my busy schedule to take a picture of me eating it.

This week I'll be mostly mishearing lyrics

Let me screw this into your shoe?

Now I've been wanting to put together a misheard lyrics vid for YouTube for about a year now. I keep getting started with something, but never really get very far.

I was reminded of this when, for reasons that I won't go into at this point, someone read out a handful of French sentences to me over the phone last night which I was required to write down.

But having French sentences read out to me over the phone is nothing to do with this week's blog. My point is, however, that those pesky French don't pronounce just about any of the letters in the entire alphabet. I mean, why bother putting 's' or 't' or even 'x' on the end of a word if you are just going to say 'uh' instead?

Moving on (and trying to get to some sort of point (please (I hear you say)))...

So here's the thing. Trying to understand these French sentences that were being read out to me over the phone is suspiciously similar to trying to understand the lyrics to just about any Earth Wind and Fire song. When we were on holiday a while back, we fell about in the car while listening to EW&F's Let's Groove, convinced that the chorus went "Let me screw this into your shoe, It's alight! Aaalight!"

So, back to YouTube. It's all well and good coming up with a misheard lyrics vid, but you've got to pick your song carefully. The classic misheard is of course Wishmaster, with almost 5 million views at the time of writing.

So, I've decided on an Earth Wind & Fire track (and no, it's not Let's Groove), and I've got the lyrics mostly sorted. Got the storyboard sorted too. Just need the drawings (hello Abbie), and to remember the password to the YouTube account that I opened a year ago and never used.

Might have it finished by this time next year. Don't hold your breath.

This week I'll be mostly watching Nascar

Picture-in-picture reaches 
dizzying new heights.

Yee-har!

I've been catching up with some Nascar races this week. The Yanks do everything big, and Nascar is no exception: Lots of cars, lots of laps, lots of racing, lots of overtaking, lots of cautions (yellow flags), lots of pit stops, lots of commentators, lots of stats, lots of picture-in-picture, lots of drivers' names starting with J and ending with Jnr.

Here's how you're average Nascar race coverage goes...

Boogidy, boogidy boogidy, let's go racing boys!

Welcome back y'all, there's 300 laps to go here at Texas Motor Speedway in this Chase For The Nascar Nextel Cup championship race. I'm Doc Rambler, here with Rusty Fender and Jack DaCarup, and we got Davie, Janie and Mikey down on Pit Road there.

That's right Doc, we got a gawd damn hot dawg of a race goin' on right here. Over to you Jack.

Thanks Rusty, just take a look at the ticker tape across the top of your screen to see that the 34 car of Jeff J Jefferson Jnr is leadin' right now man. But they just threw the 18th caution of this race here and, man, in come the leaders down Pit Road y'all. Over to you Dave.

Thanks Jack, I'm down in the 2 pit and I'm talkin' so fast 'cause we're crammin' stuff on your tv screen right there like you wouldn't believe, there's just so much goin' on dahn here y'all. The 2 car is down-and-away. Over to you Janie.

Thanks Dave, gotta be quick, the 8 car of JJ Jayjay Jnr in the bottom right corner of your screen is havin' a half a turn of wedge and two rightside tyres and, hey, he's down-and-away. Over to you Mike.

Thanks Janie, quick one here too, the 77 car of Jack JJ Jacksonville Jnr - in the top left of your screen - hits the pit box as the 07 car is a-comin' on out, and he gets himself a bit of fender damage there. The 07 car crew chief Chuck C Chucker Snr is just sayin' "hey, we was just victims right here" y'all. Over to you Doc.

And up comes the leaderboard on the screen showing the movers 'n' shakers in the race off Pit Road - and we've got the 24th lead change in as many laps here at Texas Motor Speedway in this Chase For The Nascar Nextel Cup championship race. And put a call out for the 99 car folks, on the left-hand side of your screen, he just snuck on up there and took the lead. Let's see that again. Over to you Rusty.

This is a dawg fight right here y'all. Over to you Jack.

I gotta get me some a this, man. The 99 car and the 42 car were just gittin' on down 'n' dirty an' Duking it on out, while this 5 car right here gits a bit loose and woooo, he's just drivin' the wheels off that thing there y'all. But y' know the fat lady ain't sung yet man. Over to you Doc.

And take a look at Bob Bobberson Snr on Pit Wall there on your screen, he's over the moon about that. He'll be lookin' over at Big Al Bigville Snr and sayin' "man we just ran you down". Over to you Rusty.

This here dawg fight is hot dawg, gawd dammit. Over to you Jack.

Big Al was sayin' earlier, man, that the 5 car is a bit leery on these here cotton-pickin' mile 'n' a half ovals. But look at John J Johnson Jnr in the 16 car on the right of the screen comin' down the straightaway doin' a tenth of a half second quicker than anyone else out there right now man. Over to you Doc.

He was the two thousand six winner right here at Texas Motor Speedway, and he wants to win in two thousand seven. He's a man on a mission in this Texas shootout Chase For The Nascar Nextel Cup championship race. Over to you Jack.

Sure thang, y'aint never gonna see it any better than that right there. JJ Jnr in the 64 car will be gittin' on the radio and saying to his crew chief "we gonna git ourselves some cowboy hats here Buzz". Over to you Rusty.

Gawd damn hot dawg.

This week I'll be mostly not sleeping

3 add 5 add 4, carry the 1, err ...

There's a lot going on chez Foster at the moment (mainly, relating to the actual 'chez', but that is a story for maybe next week).

There is so much going on in my head that there aren't enough hours in the day for my tiny brain to organise it all, so it seems to be working overtime during the night.

I woke up a number of times during Monday night. On the last occasion I was trying to add up a very long column of single-digit numbers and wasn't able to carry the 1 (what with being asleep). It wasn't much use that I woke up either, because my mental powers of arithmetic whilst concious aren't exactly the best, so it was no use.

I never did get those numbers added up.

Then I woke up a number of times during Tuesday night. Not really sure why.

Wednesday night was the same. The last time I woke, I was trying to remember the lyrics to a Jack Johnson song that I don't even remember the title of. It's the one that starts "doo-do-do-dee, doo-de-do-do, doo-do-do-dee, doo-de-do-do..." Doesn't help does it? Another clue? Sounds like the intro the Bon Jovi's Dead or Alive, but not a steel guitar and more jaunty. Still no help? Another clue? Also sounds like the intro to Joyce Simms' Come Into My Life, but without the warbling, and a bit slower.

Anyway, I figured maybe there was some important meaning to the lyrics, but I guess I'll not be finding out today.

Thursday night I was in major need of an early night. However, I got on a roll with a bit of writing and when I next looked up from the laptop it was early next morning.

At least I got the writing finished.

So, I'm going home tonight and looking forward to a really good night's sleep.

I always sleep well chez Foster.

This week I'll be mostly on the phone

It was ringing anyway...

So please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

This week I'll be mostly missing deadlines

Deadlines! What deadlines?

There is a worryingly large proportion of potential readers of this blog (hello both of you) who know what I mean when I say I missed a deadline at the start of this week. My excuse is two-fold:
1) I was on holiday last week.
2) I wasn't a well bunny on Monday.

There is thankfully a grand total of zero work colleagues reading this, so I can safely skirt around the deadline I missed at work on Tuesday. My excuse for that is also two-fold:
1) I was on holiday last week.
2) I wasn't a well bunny on Monday.

There is one other potential reader of this blog (hello all one of you) who I've been failing miserably to get round to emailing for a significant number of weeks. My excuse for that is, yet again, two-fold:
1) I'm a lazy git who is running out of excuses (see also 2 below).
2) I wasn't a well bunny on Monday.

And now here we are and it's the wee hours of Friday morning, and I haven't even thought about what to write here, let alone how I might take a photo of me looking like I'm doing whatever it is that I'll be mostly doing this week.

On that note, I think I'll just let this peter out into a damp squib of an ending...

*slinks off and gets the camera out*