This week I'll be mostly finding scary stuff in the fridge

Blimey, it don't 'arf reek in there.

About 6 months ago I had a month off work (with a "fractured cortex" according to a certain recruitment agent). I came back to Jersey after 4 weeks to find what can only be described as a "hideous pong" coming from the fridge.

(When I say 'can only be described as', that's not strictly true. It could, in fact, be described in a number of ways, starting from "disagreeable aroma" and "unpleasant bouquet", right up to "nauseating reek" and "repugnant stench". To be fair to the smell, it was on a par with "vile putrid hum of fetid dingo's kidneys").

It turned out that a five week old half-used carton of milk was to blame. I duly poured the offending milk down the sink (when I say 'poured' I actually mean 'mashed rancid lumps of'), and set about trying to get the smell out of the fridge. I started by just leaving the door open for a bit, moved on to wafting a napkin about in there, attempted scooping the air out with my bare hands and finally resorted to putting a huge stash of lemons chopped in half on the top shelf.

6 months later the smell had almost gone. Fast forward to this week...

I bought a couple of peppers and decided the best place to put them would be in one of the fridge drawers that I've never used. I opened the drawer and lo and behold, what I imagine was once also a pepper, sat in the drawer in a pool of primeval soup, looking up, blinking in the fridge-light, and said "Hello, I'm a new species. Sorry about the smell. Have you got any deodorant?" I almost peuked into the fridge. Then I composed myself and told the pepper-thing that I was pleased to meet it and if it would let me escort it into a plastic bag and down to the communal bins I would introduce it to some new friends.

3 days later the smell has completely gone. Funny that.

This week I'll be mostly hurting in places I didn't know I had

Blimey, that don't 'arf hurt.

Let's get the Wii jokes over and done with then... I've been having a wii. I've been wiiing all weekend. I only stopped for a few minutes to have a p00. The only time I wasn't wiiing was when I was sliiiiping.

Yep, chez Foster we have a Wii. This surely is the future of games consoles. Everyone should have one. It should be the law. This isn't just pressing buttons. This is actually playing the games. It's like actual sport but without all that mucking about with membership fees, having to wear white soled trainers, and remembering to bring the deodorant.

Instead you have a Wii Mii. Your Wii Mii is a little computerised you (or should that be 'yoo') who turns up when it's your turn to tee off and takes your shot for you, or does your bowling, or can be someone else's Wii Mii's tennis partner.

But here's the problem: Wii Mii doesn't get tired out. Wii Mii plays 10 frames of bowling and bobs about on the screen grinning (or frowning in the case of my Wii Mii) apparently saying "can I have another go?" Wii Mii finishes a round of golf and wants to go straight back to the 1st hole and start again. Wii Mii plays 3 sets of tennis and doesn't even break a sweat. Wii Mii rides a cow bare-back flat out down a track knocking over scarecrows and jumping hurdles and doesn't even bat an eyelid.

But all this time 'wee you' is getting more and more knackered. As a result, I've now got a dodgy wrist from the bowling, a dodgy knee from the golf, a dodgy thumb from the baseball and a severe case of tennis elbow, tennis upper arm, tennis shoulder, tennis calf and tennis ankle.

Yep, this is the future of games consoles. And it hurts.

This week I'll be mostly too busy

Not ... enough ... time.

This is last week's blog.

The reason I'm even bothering writing this is because of the huge demands put upon me by the extensive readership of this modest weekly publication, to which I humbly submit.

(By which I mean, one of my two listeners asked where the blog was, so I'm rattling this out quick in my lunch break).

The reason I didn't get round to writing anything last week was because of the huge demands put upon me by the editorship of a certain bi-weekly publication, to which I am obliged to commit.

(By which I mean, I was late for some other bit of writing I do, so late in fact that the editor took the unusual step of using that week's editorial piece to make a point about the deadlines).

So that's it for last week. Hopefully this week's blog will be more entertaining, with lots of really witty stuff about having a Wii.

This week I'll be mostly trying to keep the blog happening

Scratches head.

Safe in the knowledge that this blog has at least one fan (who admittedly reads it for the pictures!) I'm now under pressure to keep coming up with stuff. It's not the coming up with stuff that's the problem though, it's the knowing when to stop coming up with stuff.

I'd like think that using FB Notes as a blogging app is "pushing the envelope", or maybe "using it in anger", or maybe "taking it to the max", or maybe "getting it under braking into the hairpin, sneaking up the inside, forcing it onto the marbles and hanging it out to dry", or maybe ... (erm, you get the point).

The problem is I've already broken it twice. Those nice FB people have been too busy to actually reply to my problem reports. But at least their lovely computer has sent me an auto-response informing me that they are all down the pub deciding whether to spend their vast advertising income on improving their apps, or maybe on beer.

I'm going to click the 'Publish' button now. Which may or may not work, depending on whether the nice FB have finished down the pub and got the programming manuals out...

This week I'll be mostly communicating with long lost friends

Is that you on the line?

If I'm honest, I only really had a look at Facebook on the off-chance that I might bump into some old friends.

Well I've tracked one down (hello Jerry), and he was speaking to another just the other day who says "hi", and knows of the whereabouts of another.

So I'm a happy chappy.

There's around 7 years of catching up to do. And I have to somehow explain my mysterious and sudden disappearance after having left 7 years ago, smiling and waving, and saying something along the lines of "might see you next week then"...

This week I'll be mostly writing Notes

Hmmm.

Hmmm (again).

Having experimented with writing on my Facebook wall as a journal type thing, I am now going to have a go with the FB Notes app again.

I did have a look at some actual blog apps but they seemed like overkill.