This week I'll be mostly watching Nascar

Picture-in-picture reaches 
dizzying new heights.

Yee-har!

I've been catching up with some Nascar races this week. The Yanks do everything big, and Nascar is no exception: Lots of cars, lots of laps, lots of racing, lots of overtaking, lots of cautions (yellow flags), lots of pit stops, lots of commentators, lots of stats, lots of picture-in-picture, lots of drivers' names starting with J and ending with Jnr.

Here's how you're average Nascar race coverage goes...

Boogidy, boogidy boogidy, let's go racing boys!

Welcome back y'all, there's 300 laps to go here at Texas Motor Speedway in this Chase For The Nascar Nextel Cup championship race. I'm Doc Rambler, here with Rusty Fender and Jack DaCarup, and we got Davie, Janie and Mikey down on Pit Road there.

That's right Doc, we got a gawd damn hot dawg of a race goin' on right here. Over to you Jack.

Thanks Rusty, just take a look at the ticker tape across the top of your screen to see that the 34 car of Jeff J Jefferson Jnr is leadin' right now man. But they just threw the 18th caution of this race here and, man, in come the leaders down Pit Road y'all. Over to you Dave.

Thanks Jack, I'm down in the 2 pit and I'm talkin' so fast 'cause we're crammin' stuff on your tv screen right there like you wouldn't believe, there's just so much goin' on dahn here y'all. The 2 car is down-and-away. Over to you Janie.

Thanks Dave, gotta be quick, the 8 car of JJ Jayjay Jnr in the bottom right corner of your screen is havin' a half a turn of wedge and two rightside tyres and, hey, he's down-and-away. Over to you Mike.

Thanks Janie, quick one here too, the 77 car of Jack JJ Jacksonville Jnr - in the top left of your screen - hits the pit box as the 07 car is a-comin' on out, and he gets himself a bit of fender damage there. The 07 car crew chief Chuck C Chucker Snr is just sayin' "hey, we was just victims right here" y'all. Over to you Doc.

And up comes the leaderboard on the screen showing the movers 'n' shakers in the race off Pit Road - and we've got the 24th lead change in as many laps here at Texas Motor Speedway in this Chase For The Nascar Nextel Cup championship race. And put a call out for the 99 car folks, on the left-hand side of your screen, he just snuck on up there and took the lead. Let's see that again. Over to you Rusty.

This is a dawg fight right here y'all. Over to you Jack.

I gotta get me some a this, man. The 99 car and the 42 car were just gittin' on down 'n' dirty an' Duking it on out, while this 5 car right here gits a bit loose and woooo, he's just drivin' the wheels off that thing there y'all. But y' know the fat lady ain't sung yet man. Over to you Doc.

And take a look at Bob Bobberson Snr on Pit Wall there on your screen, he's over the moon about that. He'll be lookin' over at Big Al Bigville Snr and sayin' "man we just ran you down". Over to you Rusty.

This here dawg fight is hot dawg, gawd dammit. Over to you Jack.

Big Al was sayin' earlier, man, that the 5 car is a bit leery on these here cotton-pickin' mile 'n' a half ovals. But look at John J Johnson Jnr in the 16 car on the right of the screen comin' down the straightaway doin' a tenth of a half second quicker than anyone else out there right now man. Over to you Doc.

He was the two thousand six winner right here at Texas Motor Speedway, and he wants to win in two thousand seven. He's a man on a mission in this Texas shootout Chase For The Nascar Nextel Cup championship race. Over to you Jack.

Sure thang, y'aint never gonna see it any better than that right there. JJ Jnr in the 64 car will be gittin' on the radio and saying to his crew chief "we gonna git ourselves some cowboy hats here Buzz". Over to you Rusty.

Gawd damn hot dawg.