This week I'll be mostly drinking Italian coffee

That's a bit of a small cup.
Pass the half-pint mug please.

Coffee, I've always thought, is bad for you.

I guess it started when I was a kid, when the kind of coffee my mum made - comprising a saucepan of boiling milk poured into a mug over Nescafe granules - would leave me feeling a bit ill. It was quite a few years later before it really properly dawned on me that I was lactose intolerant. Doh!

And then there was that time in 91 when we'd just moved office and I was so close to the drinks vending machine that I didn't even have to leave my seat for a brew. I was getting through more plastic cups of machine coffee than you could shake a stick at. It was only a few weeks later that the doctor sent me to Bart's hospital for a bunch of tests that resulted in some periods of unconsciousness, large quantities of blood being taken, a handful of x-rays, and an inconclusive diagnosis that had something to do with my 'lifestyle'.



So yes, coffee, I concluded, is bad for you.

But hang on, I'm giving coffee a bad press here.

At some point in the early 80s I was on holiday with my mum and dad in Italy and I realised what coffee was all about. Blast some steam through some finely ground beans and serve up a strong small shot of the stuff. None of this boiled milk and granules business.

And then in 85 I was on holiday at my cousins in France and I came across another style altogether. Still strong, but thick and grainy, and in a bowl (with bread in the bottom for the real hard-core!?!)

And then in the 90s there was what the Hunter family call 'real coffee' or 'proper coffee', and what the Germans (well two of them) call 'French coffee'. Basically, coffee made in a cafetiere, as strong as you like.

So the thing is, coffee is a bit nice. Who cares if it's bad for you.

'French coffee', is what I've been making for the last 20 years. Until the end of last year, that is. I've been looking after Chris's espresso machine (while he's been in the other hemisphere), so I've had six months of perfecting the art of making 'Italian coffee'. That's what I am actually here to write about. (400 words and I'm finally getting to some kind of point.)

Now, you notice I say 'perfecting the art'. Of course, I'm a science guy, not an art guy, so actually I've spent six months 'practicing the science' of making the perfect cup of espresso. That is, reading the manual and doing exactly what it says. The manual is very specific about a lot of things. It has a whole page on preparation, before you even get to "how to make a good espresso coffee". It tells you everything from choosing the right blend, to grinding, to selecting the correct filter basket, to gently tamping down, to lining up the cups correctly, to slowly turning the steam valve, to telling you what your coffee should look like if you made it properly. It even tells you when to go and set the table and prepare cups, milk and sugar.

If I keep it scientific then I get a perfect cup of coffee, which takes about half hour to prepare. If I ever try to read between the lines, I end up with a mediocre cup of coffee, but in less than half the time. Part of the problem, I guess, is down to lack of practice, because I only get the machine out on the weekends.

Which brings me to my initial point. Coffee, I've always thought, is bad for you. So I try not to drink too much of the stuff. One a day max from the vending machine at work, and one a week from the espresso machine at home. But what constitutes 'one a week'? Well the manual tells you "espresso is served in 2½ oz demitasse cups". Yeah right, that's nothing. The way to do it is to get one our large mugs, and make a double shot, and then add another double shot...

Saturday and Sunday mornings round our place are a blast; Quadruple espresso and banana pancakes, followed by MarioKart. What a way to kick-off the weekend.