This week I'll be mostly on the bus

"Form a line to the front
Form a line to the back"
- Gouldman

(This is not about leaving.)

There's a class of people in Chandler's Ford.  Middle class.  They know how to queue for a bus.  They're British.  They stand quietly and wait patiently.  They're elderly.

This week I'll be mostly at the airport

"This is the last call for the passenger taking
a photo while leaning over the balcony of Costa Coffee,
your flight is now boarding"

So this is it.  The last time I'll be typing a previously-committed-to-memory 6 character code into a 4ft high kiosk.  The last time I'll be asked if I have any liquids or sharp objects on my person.  The last time I'll be trying to pick the queue without the doddery old people, or the numpty teenagers.  The last time I'll be emptying my pockets into a plastic tray.  The last time I'll be randomly frisked on account of being too lazy to shave in the last 4 days.  The last time it will turn out that I have traces of explosive materials on my laptop.  The last time I'll queue up at the cashpoint that dispenses English notes.  The last time I'll be purchasing an overpriced americano.  The last time I'll be sitting on an uncomfortable stool at an undersized dirty table cluttered with other people's coffee cups that hasn't been wiped down since yesterday evening.  The last time I'll be reading Mark Hughes, Gary Anderson or Marcus Pye while being forced to listen to the inane conversation at the table beside me.  The last time I'll be getting out my laptop and writing half a blog while keeping one eye on the departures board.  The last time I'll wait until the queue has gone at the gate before strolling nonchalantly up with my boarding pass and photo id.  The last time I'll find that even though I'm at 16A and I boarded at the rear steps, there's a family of ignorant Liverpudlians who are in row 21 but who boarded at the front and are now walking all the way up to the back and are behaving like it's everyone else who is in their way.  The last time I'll seem to be the only passenger giving the cabin crew my full attention during the safety briefing even though I've heard it a million times before.  The last time I'll get a quick half hour kip at 17,000 ft.  The last time I'll be last off, but first out due to a well timed bit of speed walking, and not having to wait for hold baggage.

This week I'll be mostly getting the builders in

What's an 'ammer for?

I make no apology for the following rash statement.  Builders, you are a bunch of ignorant, rude, lazy, awkward, annoying, inconsiderate and insensitive gits.

Now let me qualify that.  I'm talking about British builders here.  I've seen - for example - German builders on the tv and they are an organised, hard working, efficient lot.  And yes, there are a few decent builders out there, but they are few and far between, and I pity them for having to fight against the tide of scum that is the majority of the building trade in the uk.

And no, I have not forgotten to take my angry pills this week.  And yes, my lovely wife has had to increase her St John's wort intake to keep from storming out and throttling the life out of at least one of you sorry morons.