This week I'll be mostly getting the builders in

What's an 'ammer for?

I make no apology for the following rash statement.  Builders, you are a bunch of ignorant, rude, lazy, awkward, annoying, inconsiderate and insensitive gits.

Now let me qualify that.  I'm talking about British builders here.  I've seen - for example - German builders on the tv and they are an organised, hard working, efficient lot.  And yes, there are a few decent builders out there, but they are few and far between, and I pity them for having to fight against the tide of scum that is the majority of the building trade in the uk.

And no, I have not forgotten to take my angry pills this week.  And yes, my lovely wife has had to increase her St John's wort intake to keep from storming out and throttling the life out of at least one of you sorry morons.

If I catalogue the various times we've had any kind of contact with builders, or in fact any tradesmen from plumbers to electricians to Sky box installers, I can count on one hand the number of pleasant and agreeable experiences there have been.  Alternatively, I could count on all of the hands of all of the people that might possibly be reading this, the number of times we've been stitched up, let down, ripped off, taken for a ride, or lied to.  And that's not counting the number of times you sad, sorry unqualified load of charlatans have trashed my house, burnt my carpet, stolen my tools, not started work even vaguely in the same month as you promised, worked five hour days for seven hours money, not finished the job, blocked my car in with your badly parked white vans, used the float money for putting bets on the horses, harassed my wife, or just not tidied up after yourselves.

I'm not usually a violent person, but if I get a phone call next week from a woman almost in tears because of your ignorant, inconsiderate and insensitive behaviour, I will be on the next flight home and you will be getting a smack in the gob.